


No Matter What

by Wtfisgoingonhere



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Eren loses control, M/M, Titan Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:26:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24148126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wtfisgoingonhere/pseuds/Wtfisgoingonhere
Summary: Eren lost control.He wasn't supposed to.He wasn't supposed to.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 4
Kudos: 138





	No Matter What

No.  
  
Nononono.  
  
This was not happening.  
For a moment, Levi didn’t hear anymore the sounds of the battle. No more cries, no more Titan's steps, no more frightened horses fleeing. Only the wind whispering in his ears, only the sun shining softly as it began to hide behind the mountains.  
It was a beautiful day.  
Too beautiful for what was happening in front of him.  
A loud roar suddenly shook him off his haze, and suddenly reality hit him. He blinked.  
Corpses, everywhere around him. The steam of Titans they succeeded to kill leaving a white and hot blanket around them.  
And there, right in front of him, Eren. Eren’s Titan.  
  
Attacking the Survey Corps.  
  
It was not supposed to happen. Never. During the past five years, Eren had learnt to control his Titan thoroughly, and never did he loose control after the first few weeks. He was always, _always_ , perfectly conscious.  
Another roar shook Levi to the core as he watched Eren — _Eren’s Titan_ grab a horse (without rider fortunately) and throw it away with a furious growling.  
  
It was not supposed to happen, but it had.  
Eren had lost control.  
  
The entire Survey Corps realized it at the same time, and horrified cries quickly rose in what was left of the formation.  
Erwin reacted quickly, as always. He ordered the retreat and the few soldiers left were more than happy to turn their back.  
Turn their back to Eren’s Titan, whose eyes gleamed inhumanly.  
It was the eyes that had told Levi that Eren had lost himself. He had known, twenty seconds before everyone else, that something had snapped. What it was, he didn’t know. Maybe it was because Eren had stayed far longer in his Titan’s form than reasonable. He didn’t know. He didn’t care.  
Eren had lost himself, and his eyes, instead of being that beautiful green-blue Levi had come to cherish, were gleaming furiously in the sunset. Ten seconds after Levi had noticed the change, Eren had roared louder than ever and thrown a horse away.  
  
His blades were down, as he stood still on the ground, surrounded by the three Titans he just killed, his eyes fixed on the fifteen meters Titan who was now against them. He couldn’t do anything right now, without a horse to come close of the beast, two hundreds meters away. He was grateful for it. In his state of mind, he wasn't sure he could do anything anyway.  
  
He knew what he had to do. He didn’t want to. Hell, he didn’t want.  
He noticed absently that the few surviving soldiers were now coming over him, his gaze only following Eren’s Titan looking at them.  
  
_Please, Eren. Wake up._  
  
In a few seconds, Eren’s Titan would come over here and attack them. Levi knew it. But it was a thing knowing it and it was another accepting it.  
  
_Don’t make me do this._  
  
A horse was given to him by one of the rider and Erwin stopped at his side.  
Levi refused to look at him, because he knew what he’d see in those eyes.  
  
“Levi,” the man said, and the captain could hear it in his voice too.  
  
What he had to do. Who he’d have to kill in order to save them all.  
  
Levi slowly got on his horse, and observed Eren’s Titan one more time.  
The beast was unmoving, and Levi had a flash of hope. Maybe it wasn’t too late. But Eren’s Titan roared once more and Levi closed his eyes when he heard the loud stomps coming their way.  
  
No.  
It _was_ too late.  
  
Levi turned his head to look at Erwin, something desperate in the back of his gaze, and there was empathy in the commander’s look. Empathy, but also determination.  
They all knew this—Eren losing control— could happen, what was to do at this moment. And who had to do it.  
  
“We’ll ride to the forest, it’ll be easier to maneuver the gear there,” the commander announced, and a few seconds later, they were all galloping toward the big trees a few hundreds meters away.  
  
Levi knew what Erwin was trying to do.  
He was giving one last chance to Eren. If the Titan didn’t follow them, if Eren could, somehow, recover his mind in the dozens of seconds he had left, then they wouldn’t have to extract him.  
  
_Call it what it is_ , Levi thought. _Kill him._  
  
Extracting Eren safely from the Titan’s corpse when said Titan was moving and trying to kill them all was impossible. Levi would try anyway. He was Humanity’s Strongest after all. He’d done the impossible a few times already.  
  
“Maybe it won’t kill him,” Erwin said softly, echoing his thoughts.  
  
Levi looked at him blankly, noticing how little the commander believed his own words.  
The captain turned his head and saw exactly what he didn’t want to see. Eren’s Titan running after them. Now that he was closer, Levi could see that he was wounded, and that the injury weren’t healing well. There nearly wasn’t steam escaping the bloody hole in the Titan's side, and the its head was strangely tilted, as if the muscles of his neck were damaged.  
  
They were nearly in the forest. Levi closed his eyes.  
  
_Eren was in front of them, saluting, a serious look on his face. Erwin left the room, and immediately, Eren’s face relaxed. Levi nodded to him and the young man left his arm fall on his side. On the desk between them were the maps Erwin used to explain them the purpose of the next expedition.  
  
“Do you remember all of it?” Levi asked, nodding for the maps. “I don’t want you to make us run into a fucking bunch of Titans because you can’t remember the plan.”  
  
“Yes, I remember well, sir.”  
  
Eren’s voice had lost the formality it had with Erwin, and Levi was grateful for it. It sounded false between the two of them, after three years eating together, fighting together, protecting each other in the battlefield, and more generally living together. Well, together with the rest of the squad.  
I know, Levi wanted to say. Eren was always serious and attentive. He’d never put intentionally anyone’s life in danger.  
  
“Good,” he said instead, a bit softer than intended.  
  
It didn’t matter. It was Eren, and somehow he knew that the young man could see far more into him than anyone else. Hell, he could see far more into him than Levi wanted him to, with his green eyes. Maybe it was because he knew how it felt to be considered a monster by everyone. Levi couldn’t shift in a fifteen meters Titan of course, but his skills and the number of Titans he’d killed was enough to wipe off his humanity in the eyes of other people. He was only a killing machine now, more than he ever was a hero.  
Suddenly, Levi felt really tired. Tired of killing, tired of loosing people. He raised his eyes and saw Eren was still looking at him.  
  
“Eren?” He asked softly.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
The ‘sir’ was forgotten. They both knew this wasn’t going to be a conversation between an officer and his soldier. It was a conversation between two men drawn close by violence and tragedy and war, two men that understood each other far more than they understood the rest of the world. And for that kind of discussion, there was no ‘sir’ needed.  
  
“What are you going to do when this is all over?”  
  
“When all the Titans will be dead, you mean?”  
  
The ‘if it happens’ this kind of discussion usually brought was ignored by the both of them. Today, Levi needed hope. He nodded.  
He observed the tension leave Eren’s face and his eyes started to shine, looking at something far away in his mind's eye.  
  
“I’m going to see the Ocean. And when I’m done looking at it, I’ll travel the whole world and discover everything I can. I’ll never be a prisoner again.”  
Eren’s gaze came back in his and he added with sheer determination. “I’ll be free.”  
  
Levi looked at him a long moment, gathering energy from the boy’s faith and hope. Eren had grown up, during these last years. There wasn't much left of the impulsive brat he met three years ago in a dungeon cell. The boy was eighteen years old, but the look in his eyes was definitely not the one of a child. When had he become so adult? Probably when he saw his comrades die, Levi thought.  
  
“And you, what will _you do_?” Eren asked.  
  
Levi leaned on the back of his chair crossing his arms against his chest. He expected this question. He looked outside the window and observed a bird flying away.  
  
“I don’t know,” he said casually.  
  
It wasn't casual, they both knew that. He had never shown himself that weak in front of anyone else for... for longer than he could remember. But it was Eren, and he was tired. If he could be honest with one person once in his life, it’d be Eren, now.  
  
“You could come with me,” the young man said after a moment.  
  
Levi’s head came back to him, to meet a brilliant gaze blazing with... with what exactly? Hope? Affection? Levi raised an unimpressed eyebrow, to hide the wave of (unwanted) emotion that crossed him at this moment.  
  
“I know it wouldn’t be very comfortable,” Eren continued a small smile on his lips. “But I think with all the tea you hide in your office, you’d have plenty for years, so it’s not a problem.”  
  
Levi couldn’t help but feel amused.  
  
“Tea isn’t the only thing to have if one wants to be comfortable, brat,” he replied.  
  
Eren seemed to think about it before answering with a serious gaze.  
  
“If we’re cautious enough, I think we could manage to steal a bed and a bathtub from the scout’s base,” he declared.  
  
Levi couldn’t hide his smirk.  
  
“Of course, it wouldn’t be easy to transport, but it…”  
“Eren?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Shut up.”  
  
Eren let out a little laugh, but stopped talking, looking at him intensely.  
  
“What do you say?” He asked after a moment.  
  
He was serious, Levi realized. Eren was serious, and secretly Levi considered the offer. See the world, leave all the fucking people and these fucking walls behind, and travel with Eren was something he could do. Something he wanted to do.  
  
“I’ll come if you do the laundry,” he replied.  
  
Eren beamed like he did so rarely lately, and his smile was enough to brighten the entire room, hell, the entire fucking world.  
  
“Of course, sir.”  
  
When Eren was gone, it took a long time to Levi to notice he was smiling. He only stopped when he realized that falling in love with Humanity’s Hope in the middle of a war was probably a pretty shitty thing to do.  
But it would be over, someday, and they would discover the world together._  
  
Except that they wouldn’t. Levi opened his eyes to see the forest only a few meters in front of him. He didn’t need to turn his head to know that Eren’s Titan was still running after them.  
Erwin threw him a long look, and, with an unbearable pain in his heart, Levi jumped from the saddle of his horse and maneuvered to land on one of the tree near the entry of the forest. Eren’s Titan was coming closer and closer. Levi felt his chest ache and his heart burn, but he shut it all down and jumped high. If he wanted to have the slightest chance to get Eren out of this alive, he’d need all his focus.  
  
When the Titan passed under him, still running after the rest of the Survey Corps, Levi prepared his blades and dived. But what he saw on the neck he was aiming made him loose his focus for a second, and it was all he could do to avoid the fist the Titan somehow managed to throw at him, still running.  
The beast resumed his course, and Levi maneuvered his gear to go after him.  
  
He could see Eren. The neck of the Titan was half devoured, and somewhere in the flesh, Levi could see the boy’s torso and the back of his head. Above all, he could see the blood coming from the injury, a blood who wasn't evaporating. That’s when he understood. No matter what he did, no matter how precise would be the cuts, Eren would die. Because in the state he was, being connected to the Titan was the only thing that kept him alive.  
That’s why he’d lost control.  
  
Chasing the Titan inside the wood, Levi didn’t try to save his gas. He wouldn’t need it once he’d had done what he had to do. He didn’t care what would happen to him after that. It didn’t matter. His grip tightened around the blades that’d kill Eren. The blades that’d would wipe off any hope they had about the future, that would pierce his own heart so thoroughly he knew he wouldn’t survive.  
  
He had to stop hesitating. He had to. Every passing second, the Titan was coming closer to the horses galloping in the woods, and the risk of a soldier being killed became bigger.  
Levi couldn’t let it happen. They shared a promise. If Eren lost control, Levi had to incapacitate him before he killed any of his comrades.  
  
_No matter what_ , he had said.  
  
He could do one last thing for Eren, right now, and it was keeping his promise.  
Levi sped up, blocking every thought that tried to tear him apart. All that mattered was the promise he’d made one early morning, in his bed, when Eren had woken up from a nightmare. He could still remember the warm body against his, and Eren’s hand in his when he had promised. He could still remember the sad but determined smile Eren offered him before kissing him softly and getting up.  
  
One last time, Levi rose in the air, above the Titan still running.  
Time froze.  
  
_Eren’s lips against his. Warm and soft, or hard and demanding, or distant and hesitating. Their fingers intertwined.  
  
Eren’s smile, that day in his office, two years ago, when they had spoken about leaving together.  
  
His eyes, green, bright and hopeful. ’Im going to see the Ocean’._  
  
Levi closed his eyes.  
  
_“I love you,” Eren whispered one beautiful night, safely tucked in his arms._  
  
He dived, blades unforgiving and cutting and deadly.  
One single tear rolled down his cheek, burning.  
  
“I’m sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, if there are any mistakes, please feel free to tell me.  
> Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
